THE DUAL SELF

I was talking to my mother just the other day, a discussion about my dual self. Now I do believe that each of us possess within us a ‘dual self’ – the ‘internal’ self & the ‘external’ self. The one you are when you are alone, the other when you are in the company of others. I often think that a lot of my problems stem from living too much inside my head & of exposing my internal self to situations which are somewhat inappropriate. In fact I believe that there are days in which I rarely leave my internal world, days where it’s just me & well, me. I believe you need to find a balance between the two when in a safe & secure environment, like amongst friends & family – a position which requires a melding of the two.

My problem is that my external self & internal self are complete strangers to one another. They don’t even like each other, can’t bear to be in each others presence. My external self is vain & gregarious - she stands tall & proud. My internal self is a loner, she is quiet but strong - she hates gossip. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror & try to determine who is strongest – I think I know. My face, my body has been ravaged by the battle. I just wish that there could be a meeting place, a common ground of sorts. I want us to walk together in the same direction, with one purpose, one goal. I hope & pray I find what I'm looking for - it’s imperative to my survival.