After some deliberation I have decided to resign from my position at work & take an extended break from nursing. I will get a different job, perhaps in retail & just concentrate on my health & well being. When it comes time to re-register in December with the nursing board I will & after that who knows. I have been a nurse in some form or another for 12 years; it’s become an integral part of who I believe I am. It feels almost as if a part of me is dying. It’s been a marriage of sorts, a tumultuous one at that, & it’s almost like we’re having a trial separation with a view to divorce.
It’s strange, but I knew I didn’t want to be a nurse towards the end of my first year at university. I had just finished my first practical on a neurological ward in Brisbane, I had been caring for people with multiple sclerosis; MND; Huntington’s etc & I remember feeling physically totally drained. But I was persuaded into continuing. Most students loved the practicals & hated the theory – I was just the opposite.
One thing I do remember on that first prac was looking after a man who was in a vegetative state after a failed suicide attempt – he had carbon monoxide poisoning. He had been in the car with two other men, both of whom died. They had all recently been named as being part of a paedophile ring in Queensland. As I washed this mans body I soon discovered that no one had cleaned him thoroughly for quite some time. The palms of his hands were contorted from contractures and were caked with a smelly slimy residue & were showing signs of maceration & breakdown. Looking after this man encouraged me to read more on the subject of paedophilia, and to a certain extent I came to understand what may have driven him to committ such unspeakable acts.
That has been my problem all along, I want to understand too much when sometimes (esp. in health care) you should just “do”. My other main problem with nursing is how it remains so “task orientated”. To a certain extent I can understand why, due to time management pressures & the protocols which need to be adhered to. But this goes against my personal philosophy in life & my belief that we are all such unique individuals, there is also very little creativity in nursing.
I also believe in the old adage of “nurses eat their young”, nursing you’ll find, is divided into two camps - those who were hospital trained & those who went through university. At times quite a divide can exist between the two, with hospital trained nurses often resenting their peers who have a university education. They often use their seniority status to belittle & punish those who are below them in rank; this behaviour (like many forms of abuse) is then often perpetuated & becomes part of the ‘nursing culture’.
It may be that I will return to nursing, but something in me says I may not. I have invested so much in it, not only time but vast amounts of energy also. Who knows, after a period of "being stable" I will sit back & re-evaluate it all & take it from there - one step at a time.
It’s strange, but I knew I didn’t want to be a nurse towards the end of my first year at university. I had just finished my first practical on a neurological ward in Brisbane, I had been caring for people with multiple sclerosis; MND; Huntington’s etc & I remember feeling physically totally drained. But I was persuaded into continuing. Most students loved the practicals & hated the theory – I was just the opposite.
One thing I do remember on that first prac was looking after a man who was in a vegetative state after a failed suicide attempt – he had carbon monoxide poisoning. He had been in the car with two other men, both of whom died. They had all recently been named as being part of a paedophile ring in Queensland. As I washed this mans body I soon discovered that no one had cleaned him thoroughly for quite some time. The palms of his hands were contorted from contractures and were caked with a smelly slimy residue & were showing signs of maceration & breakdown. Looking after this man encouraged me to read more on the subject of paedophilia, and to a certain extent I came to understand what may have driven him to committ such unspeakable acts.
That has been my problem all along, I want to understand too much when sometimes (esp. in health care) you should just “do”. My other main problem with nursing is how it remains so “task orientated”. To a certain extent I can understand why, due to time management pressures & the protocols which need to be adhered to. But this goes against my personal philosophy in life & my belief that we are all such unique individuals, there is also very little creativity in nursing.
I also believe in the old adage of “nurses eat their young”, nursing you’ll find, is divided into two camps - those who were hospital trained & those who went through university. At times quite a divide can exist between the two, with hospital trained nurses often resenting their peers who have a university education. They often use their seniority status to belittle & punish those who are below them in rank; this behaviour (like many forms of abuse) is then often perpetuated & becomes part of the ‘nursing culture’.
It may be that I will return to nursing, but something in me says I may not. I have invested so much in it, not only time but vast amounts of energy also. Who knows, after a period of "being stable" I will sit back & re-evaluate it all & take it from there - one step at a time.
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