HURT

As a short diversion from the dream theme, I have just got back from my weekly visit to the psychiatrist. I went there so positive today – eager to get back to work as soon as possible, but he still won’t give me clearance. I’m so disappointed – I was doing okay during our session till he hit a few raw nerves. I started reminiscing about things of the past & with that came the guilt…& then the tears. He said if I was doing something less taxing like ‘flipping burgers’ or ‘cleaning toilets’ he might consider me going back to work but not looking after people who are dying.

On the way back home on the train a fellow traveller, a woman in her mid to late forties noticed I had been crying & gave me a sweet gentle smile…she was beautiful – I wish I had the courage to tell her so. I was listening to Johnny Cash, “Hurt” – I have never believed that music can cheer you up, for me it is only a close confidant that journeys along beside me. When I am down & blue, happy cheery music ceases to be music – it’s just noise.

HURT

I hurt myself today

To see if I still feel

I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real

The needle tears a hole

The old familiar sting

Try to kill it all away

But I remember everything

What have I become

My sweetest friend

Everyone I know goes away

In the end

And you could have it all

My empire of dirt

I will let you down

I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns

Upon my liar's chair

Full of broken thoughts

I cannot repair

Beneath the stains of time

The feelings disappear

You are someone else

I am still right here

What have I become

My sweetest friend

Everyone I know goes away

In the end

And you could have it all

My empire of dirt

I will let you down

I will make you hurt

If I could start again

A million miles away

I would keep myself

I would find a way

(written by Trent Reznor, performed by Johnny Cash)

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmVAWKfJ4Go