From a very young age I decided that as soon as I was able to that I would leave home & move far away. I loved my family but resented what we were - provincial, uneducated......& average. I always wanted something more. And deep down nothing has really changed. Well here I am, almost 35 years old & living a thousand miles from home in a metropolis of 3.5 million people - in the "cultural capital" of Australia. And with each passing year I can feel myself becoming more & more isolated from the people I love. Is this normal? Am I a snob? "The more you change the less you feel" right? I adore my parents but even the fleeting thought of returning home (for anything more than a brief visit) makes me cringe. What happens when you finally become what you set out to be & then realise you're standing out there all on your own......alone? "To thine own self be true"
-Shakespeare-
3 comments:
Aloneness is a terrible feeling, overwhelming indeed.
Had you stayed it would still remind you it is there.
I am haunted by this feeling somedays too, it is awful.
But aloneness is different to loneliness, is it not?
And yes your birthday is just around the corner...I hope you do something beautiful Sue.
...perhaps there is always a price we pay to live out the deeper dreams of our heart?
You are no longer caged, you are free.
That's so sad...
If I were you, I'd go and visit my parents. It's been a long time too, you have to see them. Their still your parents after all. Maybe for a little while you won't feel the sense of being alone. That would really do you good. We always have a little piece of yearning in us, like a child. Don't let yourself be consumed by aloneness Mrs. Sue...
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