It sometimes feels strange being around my niece Samantha as she is essentially the exact opposite of myself. She is the type of girl who back in high school I resented - sporty and popular, invited to all the right parties - whereas in my senior years I was a bookish loner who couldn't catch a ball if she tried (I blame my poor eyesight). Sometimes when I am with her I feel as though I'm being thrust back there.....to high school, with all the insecurites & the alienation. We were watching footage from her formal/prom the other night & Sam described one girl as a "freak" & I smiled & said "that's probably what you would have thought of me if we'd have gone to school together". Do we ever really get over high school? I still dream about it sometimes, mostly I'm lost trying to make my way to class but never finding the right one....the one where I belong.
ABOUT ME
- Suzanne Rowley
- South Yarra, Victoria, Australia
- I am first & foremost a poet, second a wife & third a nurse, with all other things trailing somewhere behind. Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2008 I was encouraged to keep a log of my moods & what better way than a blog! Here you will find some of my writings, photographs & everyday thoughts, being somewhat clandestine in the past regarding my psychological problems, this blog will serve as a confessional of sorts.
The Brown Book: Tales from two women caught between two worlds
Link to my joint blog with dear friend Janmaree
TODAY'S TREASURE
Daily highlights in an otherwise ordinary life
Clipped
a Novella
POOH - A.A.MILNE
Pooh was a bear of enormous brain...(just say it again) of enormous brain
WEDDING DAY
the promise.....
CUPCAKES
an edible work of art .....if you ever get to the Arts Centre Sunday Market in Melbourne.....grab one!
DAINTINESS
silk scarves
OLGA BERG
I just adore Olga Berg, I think I have about 5 of her bags/purses - they're just delightful!
ULTIMATE COMFORT & STYLE
It took me till I was 33 years old to discover the comfort of a good pair of ballet flats!
WEDDING DAY
the blessing of a father
DANTE'S PRAYER - LOREENA MCKENNITT
Though we share this humble path alone, how fragile is the heart. Oh give these clay feet wings to fly - to touch the face of the stars....
THE TRUMAN SHOW
CHRISTOF: We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented
JULIETTE BINOCHE
true beauty
DID YOU KNOW?
Did you know that researchers at the University of Edinburgh have found that people with Bipolar disorder suffer from an accelerated shrinking of their brain? The study also proved that the changes get progressively worse with each relapse. Good reason to stay on the meds!
THREE THINGS TO REMEMBER - WILLIAM BLAKE
A robin redbreast in a cage, puts all heaven in a rage. A skylark wounded on the wing doth make a cherub cease to sing. He who shall hurt the little wren shall never be beloved by men
TRAUM DER LIEBENDEN 1962
Chagall
DONNIE DARKO
DONNIE: why do you wear that stupid bunny suit? FRANK: why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
ISABELLA ROSSELLINI
pure elegance
PETER DOMBROVSKIS
'pencil pine at pool of Siloam' - perhaps my favourite photograph by my favourite photographer.
CHARLOTTE GAINSBOURG
understated chic
AUGUST MOON
Jeff Gardner a local Melbourne artist (cascade printworkshop) simply brilliant original work
MARILYN MONROE
fragility
HABAKKUK 3:19
The sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights
AUDREY HEPBURN
timeless
THE FIGHTING TEMERAIRE 1838
J.M.W Turner
RAGGED WOOD - W.B.YEATS
O hurry to the ragged wood, for there I will drive all those lovers out & cry - Oh my share of the world, Oh yellow hair! No one has ever loved but you and I
TERRY GILLIAM
visionary filmmaker
NEXT TIME ROUND
If reincarnation does happen I want to come back as an Eagle or an Albatross so I can soar through the sky! Problem is I'm vegetarian....I suppose I'll have to settle for being a red breasted Robin instead - do worms & bugs have feelings?
JEANNE HEBUTERNE 1919
Modigliani
EARTHLINGS
click on picture to watch this thought provoking documentary
"MORN" SOUTH YARRA, MELBOURNE
6 comments:
hello from chicago :) new to your blog, but as a fellow bipolar suffer i really appreciate it. ah, high school... I am not long out, but i think it is true that we will always have the potential to feel suddenly "back there". write on.
You are such a honest one. Strange dream though. I have such dreams too where you can never find your way to the right door.
Talking about alienation, I had a strange or should I say rather unusual upbringing where my late dad shielded us from the outside world. He was too caring to a fault. Home was like a country of its own. We had everything, much space, cooks, stewards, chauffeurs etc, a library, recreational facilities and were prevented from mixing with others. Chauffeur driven to school. Never allowed to step out of the home. No friends allowed to visit. And, that made us very strange.
Summer was the only time we could freely mix with others as we always took a long vacation abroad. We couldnt wait for the summer holiday, the trip to the airport, on the plane and suddenly in a new environment. It was so much fun and I do miss him. Dad was always too busy to join us. Whenever he did, after about a day or two, he would have to rush back to his baby (the business he founded). And so, we would be left alone with our mum in a foreign country.
Continued...
But to be fair to him, he regularly took me along with him on short weekend trips. This meant I could be driven straight from school, on a friday, to join him at the airport on a flight to say Geneva, only to return on Sunday evening and be ready for school on Monday. Always advising me about the future. He was so scared I would make mistakes.
Therefore, in real life I come across as being too reserved and I don't like it. I wish I could be as normal as others.
I guess thats why I feel comfortable with blogging whenever I have the time to. I come across all sorts of people, some as interesting and gifted as you but the friendship stays online in that virtual world where it was born i.e. the friends at high school never allowed to bring them into our home.
So I think I understand a little bit about alienation.
Sorry for taking too much space. The post just struck me
i think your neice is good training for you
This post really resonated in me. I have been thinking a lot about it. Sometimes I think we never do leave our high school years behind. I also have a niece like yours. She fits in so amazingly well..and is good at so many things.
I was also a loner and a "freak" in high school. And booky:). It is strange now having my own daughter who has just entered 9th grade. She is so different from her peers -- not sporty in the typical ways -- always reading and writing poetry. She is a very good student, but socially she doesn't care to join in the typical activites... I worry sometimes it will be hard for her, but she is a strong person inside...it seems she likes being just who she is and doesn't worry about seeming different. Which is great...
But having her in high school certainly brings up a lot of odd painful memories for me...And I have to remember it was years ago...
Blue in Green -- your comments are so interesting. I know our lives are all so different...and yet the shared feelings of alienation some how is comforting to me...knowing that there are others who may not have felt "normal" and yet they shine through showing their humanity and kindness to one another.
I have also taken too much space...I guess the topic of high school touches a nerve :)
I felt like a total freak all through high school - unpopular, asthmatic, obsessed with creative writing and making up stories. As I got older I learned how unimportant those girls and their little cliques were though. In fact some of the most interesting people I know are people who were considered 'different' in high school.
Kathryn.
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