4# NANA

My Nana died when I was 12 years old, I loved her very much but like most kids that age didn’t do a great job of showing it. The last few years of her life were spent in a Nursing home – a locked dementia ward. I hated to go visit her there, the smell, the lack of privacy. My Nana had become practically aphasic (did not speak) in her last years – she just sat there in silence.

The dreams about my Nana started when I was about 16; in them she would show up in the most unlikely places. An example was a dream where I was dancing on a dance floor, high as a kite with a mob of friends all about me – we were laughing, jumping around, caressing & fondling each other. Then I’d see Nana out of the corner of my eye & I’d stop in my tracks, suddenly it was just me & her in the room. She just stood there, silent in her disappointment.

I don’t have this dream anymore, it usually only occurs when I do something unconscionable. I love you Nana.