It's 4 a.m. in the morning - I can't sleep any longer. Don't know if it's the noradrenaline in the medication or what - pretty certain it must be. I have never been a morning person but lately I can't sleep in. There is a part of me that still wants to shrink back into my shell & disappear under the covers......but I can't seem to.
Once I am "well" I wont be on the SNRI (Serotonin Noradrenaline Re-uptake Inhibitor) but will be placed on a mood stabiliser & will be able to cut down on the antipsychotics. It's strange to think that at present I'm taking medication to get me "up" in the mornings & I'm taking medication to settle me "down" at night. I feel pretty good at the moment but every now & then you can't help but wonder how I'd be if it were not for the drugs. In fact, on Friday, during my visit to the psychiatrist, he asked me what I think it is that has made me feel "better" & I replied - "the medication". He was happy to hear this response & stated that he hopes I always remember that I "need" medication, as apparently people with Bipolar are renowned for not complying with treatment.
I have also had to get into the habit of going to sleep early - not that I have to try too hard as the antipsychotics bomb you out. They call it "sleep hygiene". I have to work on getting my diurnal rhythms in order. I keep thinking "what if I become a different person?" - "what if I'm altogether different once my moods are stabilised?". I guess we'll just have to wait & see.
You know that saying..."been down so long that it feels like up to me!" I hope I don't become one of these people who get enjoyment out of game shows on TV or God forbid....sport! But no matter what, I have to concede to the treatment because this "thing", this "Bipolar" is gaining strength as I get older & it's wreaking havoc on my life. Really all I hope for is that I "feel" - that I don't become numb, cause I've been there before....& it's terrifying.
Once I am "well" I wont be on the SNRI (Serotonin Noradrenaline Re-uptake Inhibitor) but will be placed on a mood stabiliser & will be able to cut down on the antipsychotics. It's strange to think that at present I'm taking medication to get me "up" in the mornings & I'm taking medication to settle me "down" at night. I feel pretty good at the moment but every now & then you can't help but wonder how I'd be if it were not for the drugs. In fact, on Friday, during my visit to the psychiatrist, he asked me what I think it is that has made me feel "better" & I replied - "the medication". He was happy to hear this response & stated that he hopes I always remember that I "need" medication, as apparently people with Bipolar are renowned for not complying with treatment.
I have also had to get into the habit of going to sleep early - not that I have to try too hard as the antipsychotics bomb you out. They call it "sleep hygiene". I have to work on getting my diurnal rhythms in order. I keep thinking "what if I become a different person?" - "what if I'm altogether different once my moods are stabilised?". I guess we'll just have to wait & see.
You know that saying..."been down so long that it feels like up to me!" I hope I don't become one of these people who get enjoyment out of game shows on TV or God forbid....sport! But no matter what, I have to concede to the treatment because this "thing", this "Bipolar" is gaining strength as I get older & it's wreaking havoc on my life. Really all I hope for is that I "feel" - that I don't become numb, cause I've been there before....& it's terrifying.
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