MEMORY

Last night I talked to my eldest brother Peter on the telephone, we talked for about an hour. During our conversation we talked of many things, both present & past. Isn’t it strange how two people can share the same memories yet interpret them so very differently? Peter admitted that his memories from childhood are very vague, mine on the other hand often feel as though they’re taking place in the very next room.

Our father was a hard man, or should I say he was an unhappy man. Age has been kind to my father & with the passage of time he has mellowed & become less prone to outbursts of anger. But then again he no longer drinks alcohol either. My brother Peter says he can’t remember much about those days, those afternoons when dad had been on the drink – it’s probably a form of self preservation.

It was Peter who just last year was approached by a doctor for whom he; my other brother Steven & our dad had done a job for decades earlier. He told Peter of how he was once considering contacting DOC’s (the Department Of Children’s Services) in regards to my fathers harsh treatment of them. All three of my brothers were taken out of school & put to work as soon as they were able to. Working long hours up to six days a week, with no thought given to their own dreams....their own aspirations.

At times I see my father in myself – the workaholic, the perfectionist nature, the anger, the violent temper. It makes it easier to forgive him....it makes it easier to forget. My dad has since apologised in his own small way, but he also takes credit for the financial success my brothers have subsequently had. In retrospect I find it hard to believe that the whole thing was allowed to take place, the only way I escaped it all was by being born a girl.