From my rotting body, flowers shall grow & I am in them & that is eternity -EDVARD MUNCHAfter my last suicidal episode I was visited daily at home by a CAT team (Crisis Assessment & Treatment) - a mobile mental health unit. One day, when I was feeling a lot better & the suicidal thoughts had abated, one of them asked me "so do you think you want to kill yourself" - to which I replied "Yes, one day". I know this may sound shocking but unless I die in a freak accident I know that I will most likely die by my own hand. I have had this certainty from a very young age & as the years go by I become even more certain. It may be that I'm a control freak - that I don't want to be in a situation where I can no longer look after myself. I have had long discussions about this topic with my husband & we are both prepared to risk jail time to maintain each others dignity.
Euthanasia is illegal in this country, as it is in a majority of the world. This is mostly due to religious fears/beliefs & a concern over the slippery slope phenomenon. As a nurse I can tell you right now that passive euthanasia does occur & I hope that one day active euthanasia will be available for those who wish to end their lives & that they don't have to travel to the other side of the world to get access to it. As it stands the one thing we do maintain control over is our oral intake. In my nursing practice I have seen many people decide that they no longer wish to live & simply stop eating, it is a slow drawn out process but it eventually gets them to their goal. In a medicalised world where we have pills for every ill, peoples lives are being extended longer & longer.....but where may I ask is the quality?
So yes, even today with all the medication on board, I do believe I will exit this world by my own hand through suicide, before I am too feeble & incapacitated not to do so. Damn me to your "Hell" if you will, cause I'll be in my own living hell if I end up institutionalised in an aged care home or trapped in a body that no longer has reasonable functional capacity. People may talk of the advancements in pain management - but pain is far more than this mere physical body. Australia has one of the longest life expectancies in the world.......but it depends on what you believe "life" to consist of - a pulse? a breath? As we both know, it's a lot more than that! Now it is not my intention to upset anyone, or to pass judgement on anybody's quality of life, I am speaking for myself & myself alone.
Euthanasia is illegal in this country, as it is in a majority of the world. This is mostly due to religious fears/beliefs & a concern over the slippery slope phenomenon. As a nurse I can tell you right now that passive euthanasia does occur & I hope that one day active euthanasia will be available for those who wish to end their lives & that they don't have to travel to the other side of the world to get access to it. As it stands the one thing we do maintain control over is our oral intake. In my nursing practice I have seen many people decide that they no longer wish to live & simply stop eating, it is a slow drawn out process but it eventually gets them to their goal. In a medicalised world where we have pills for every ill, peoples lives are being extended longer & longer.....but where may I ask is the quality?
So yes, even today with all the medication on board, I do believe I will exit this world by my own hand through suicide, before I am too feeble & incapacitated not to do so. Damn me to your "Hell" if you will, cause I'll be in my own living hell if I end up institutionalised in an aged care home or trapped in a body that no longer has reasonable functional capacity. People may talk of the advancements in pain management - but pain is far more than this mere physical body. Australia has one of the longest life expectancies in the world.......but it depends on what you believe "life" to consist of - a pulse? a breath? As we both know, it's a lot more than that! Now it is not my intention to upset anyone, or to pass judgement on anybody's quality of life, I am speaking for myself & myself alone.
I understand that it is possible for most people to spend their days not contemplating their own mortality, but for me it is a constant never ending thought. It's always there, I doesn't scare me....it's become way too familiar for that.
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