SHADOWBOXING DAY

For the first time in almost a year I had a drink of alcohol - a nice bottle of Yellowglen Bella, and it will be my last. I was advised not to mix alcohol with the medication I'm on but I didn't think having a little on Christmas eve would hurt - I was wrong. Firstly I slept most of Christmas day and today, at the movies, I experienced heart palpitations and lower leg oedema. After watching The curious case of Benjamin Button (which was pretty good I might add) I went to get up & walk and found it extreemly difficult - I looked down only to find my feet swollen like two balloons. Before bothering my psychiatrist at Christmas or embarrasing my husband at the local emergency department (where he works) I made my way slowly home, elevated my legs & slept for 2 hours. I then did an online search about the effects of alcohol & psychotropic medications & there it all was & more. So no more alcohol for me...it's just not worth it. Good thing I hardly drank in the first place.

Ma & Pa Claus

And with the rousing of emotions comes the sadness.... I miss you mum & dad, this is my sixth Christmas away from home. Hopefully one year soon I'll make it home for Christmas.

ON THE EDGE OF SEVENTY

And with the mild intoxication comes the major humiliation......karaoke anyone? Oh dear, I have food all down my front! Too bad, come on....sing it with me now-

Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like shes singing...

Ooo... ooo... ooo...
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like shes singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo
And the days go by...
Like a strand in the wind...
In the web that is my own...
I begin again
Said to my friend, baby...
Nothin else mattered
He was no more... than a baby then
Well he... seemed broken hearted...
Something within him
But the moment... that I first laid...
Eyes... on... him... all alone...
On the edge of... seventeen
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...

Sounds like shes singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo...
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...

Sounds like shes singing...
Said ooo baby... ooo... said ooo
Well I went today... maybe I will go again...
Tomorrow
Yeah, yeah, well the music there well it was hauntingly...
Familiar
Well I see you doing...
What I try to do for me
With the words from a poet...
And a voice from a choir
And a melody... nothing else mattered
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like shes singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like shes singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo
The clouds... never expect it...
When it rains
But the sea changes color...
But the sea...
Does not change
And so... with the slow... graceful flow...
Of age I went forth... with an age old...
Desire... to please
On the edge of... seventeen
Oooooooooaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like shes singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like shes singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo
Well then suddenly...
There was no one... left standing
In the hall... yeah yeah...
In a flood of tears
That no one really ever heard fall at all
Well I went searchin for an answer...
Up the stairs... and down the hall
Not to find an answer...
Just to hear the call
Of a nightbird... singing...
Come away...
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song
Sounds like shes singing...
Ooo... baby ooo... said ooo
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song..
Sounds like shes singing...
Ooo... baby ooo... said ooo
Well I hear you in the morning...
And I hear you...
At nightfall...
Sometimes to be near you...
Is to be unable... to hear you...
My love...
I'm a few years older than you...
My love
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like shes singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo

Just like a white winged dove...

sings a song...

sounds like she's singing...

Ooo baby...ooo..ooo

- Stevie Nicks (The Edge of Seventeen)

YouTube link:http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=C1h99XYvLsc

TODAY'S TREASURE

Having my first glass (or two) of alcohol in almost a year & getting just tipsy enough to chatter away cheerfully yet remain just sober enough to know that I'm speaking complete & utter shit!

JINGLE BELLS

I have discovered the reason why Kentucky Fried Chicken is so expensive - deep fried "southern style" chicken is one bloody long process! I have spent most of today cooking & it's mostly food I don't even eat (like chicken), but I've had fun. All this fuss for one day where we gorge ourselves & over indulge - silly really.

I've got my Christmas presents already, a beautiful succulent for my little garden on the balcony - isn't she a beauty! & a linen suit which is something I've always wanted.

TODAY'S TREASURE

Opening up a Christmas parcel from my mum & dad & finding it filled with sweets & treats - YUM!

DREAM

I had the strangest dream last night, It was so vivid that when I woke from it I was momentarily disorientated as to where I was & even to who I was. What I dreamt about was the Christmas story, as in the birth of Jesus Christ, and the subsequent "massacre of the innocents" that was carried out by King Herod. The most peculiar thing was that I was seeing all of this from the viewpoint of a young boy & it wasn't until the end of the dream that I realised that this child was John the Baptist. I was once deeply religious but have since become agnostic (at times even athiestic), but when I woke from this dream I had an overwhelming desire to go to church - I haven't been in 7 years! Very strange indeed.

CHRISTMAS RUSH

Sheer madness in Melbourne as shoppers (including me) do last minute Christmas shopping. A giant golden Christmas tree made up of giant Ferrero Rocher chocolates (I don't think they're real somehow) hovers above us all.

TWILIGHT

TODAY'S TREASURE

Talking to my dad on the phone, he had just been told his best friend has Alzheimer's, dad was so vulnerable, so fragile, I could tell the news had hit him hard. My dad's a strong man, a tough man - it takes a lot to make him cry but he felt safe enough with me to allow himself to..... just a little.

FOR JAN

From Intimations of Immortality from recollections of Early Childhood:

Then sing, ye Birds, sing, sing a joyous song!

And let the young Lambs bound

As to the tabor's sound!

We in thought will join your throng,

Ye that pipe and ye that play,

Ye that through your hearts to-day

Feel the gladness of the May!

Which though the radiance which was once so bright

Be now for ever taken from my sight,

Though nothing can bring back the hour

Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower;

We will grieve not, rather find

Strength in what remains behind;

In the primal sympathy

Which having been must ever be;

In the soothing thoughts that spring

Out of human suffering;

In the faith that looks through death,

In the years that bring the philosophic mind.

-William Wordsworth-

CHRISTMAS

I have very few photos of my childhood - mum was never one for taking pictures, but I found these two today, both with a Christmas theme. Top: a competition of spitting out watermelon seeds...charming! Me with a fluorescent orange "Choose Life" shirt on. Bottom: my brother David & I sitting on Santa's knee - "just take the photo already, & watch the hands mister".

Christmas is just never the same as when you're a kid, is it.

TODAY'S TREASURE

A shaft of light breaks through the darkness

CLIMATE CHANGE

I apologise in advance as I ususaly try to keep my blog apolitical, but after the great expectations that came with a change of government, Prime Minister Kevin Rudd delivered one mighty blow on Monday in regards to climate change. The Federal Government has announced its plan to cut carbon emissions by just 5% (increasing this to 15% only if other major polluters commit to a global agreement). This decision places the Murray-Darling Basin, the Great Barrier Reef and the Australian Alps in a position of grave danger & we are at threat of losing these Australian icons. The Government has disregarded the advice of top scientists that state we must reduce carbon emissions by 25-40% - not a paltry 5!

I gave Kevin Rudd my preference vote at the last election due to the promises he made in regards to action on climate change - he has let me down....he has let Australians down & more improtantly he has let this great land down and the innocent native flora & fauna which inhabit it. It's enough to make me cry.

Youtube link: The Last Resort: http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=bsW5spaWmn0 - this song is about North America but it can be applied to so many places which have been ravaged by man. I must admit that I thought of linking to a Midnight Oil song (to keep it Australian) but that would be just a tad too ironic.

TODAY'S TREASURE

I got my program prospectus in the mail today from UNSW school of public health & community medicine & I have to do Epidemiology & Statistics next term. There is no way out of it as apparently it's a "core" subject - I dread statistics. You may well be wondering why this is today's treasure - it's because even though I hate statistics I at least finally feel well enough to recommence study for my masters. And for once in my life I'm going to be happy just as long as I pass.

TODAY'S TREASURE

Making our Christmas tree from some old branches & twinke lights

FAR

I walk this foreign path alone

with only my senses to guide
As far as my eyes can see
As far as my arms can stretch
As far as my mind can open
As far as my spirit can soar

I step out to the edge

and

I

fly

TODAY'S TREASURE

Evening closes in, the sky transforms into a palette of pastels.

WITHDRAWL

I finally finished off my Christmas shopping yesterday, the Christmas windows around Melbourne city are just delightful. I made the mistake yesterday of forgetting to take my morning medication & instead of turning around & coming back home I nonchalantly continued on as if it was only a minor detail. By the time 5:30pm rolled around I was dizzy, had a major headache, my stomach was in knots & I couldn't even get my key in the door. This is the second time I've done this now & you'd have thought I'd have learnt my lesson the first time - it's not like it's asprin or paracetamol! I have now put a supply in my handbag so it wont happen again.

FREAK

It sometimes feels strange being around my niece Samantha as she is essentially the exact opposite of myself. She is the type of girl who back in high school I resented - sporty and popular, invited to all the right parties - whereas in my senior years I was a bookish loner who couldn't catch a ball if she tried (I blame my poor eyesight). Sometimes when I am with her I feel as though I'm being thrust back there.....to high school, with all the insecurites & the alienation. We were watching footage from her formal/prom the other night & Sam described one girl as a "freak" & I smiled & said "that's probably what you would have thought of me if we'd have gone to school together". Do we ever really get over high school? I still dream about it sometimes, mostly I'm lost trying to make my way to class but never finding the right one....the one where I belong.