TODAY'S TREASURE

Seeing an exquisite exotic cat asleep on a clients couch. It had apparently set it's owners (the neighbours) back thousands but escapes every chance it gets, spending most of it's time asleep on the old antique chair. Typical cat....can't buy their affection.

I didn't take a photo of it - but it looked a lot like the one in this picture.

BACK TO WORK

Well I hit the road today, I picked up the car & off we went to visit patients. As everything has to be so confidential, that's about all I can say really. I am working around the Stonnington area which includes my home suburb of South Yarra, along with the neighbouring suburb of Toorak - a suburb synonymous with wealth (with a median property value of 2 million dollars). It's so strange to go from visiting disadvantaged patients in housing commission units to then drive two minutes down the road to see patients who have personal maids & live in palatial mansions. The housing commission units around the southern suburbs of Melbourne seem to all be centralised whack bang in the middle of each zone and consist of huge 20 storey ghetto like blocks - they're hard to miss, it's as though they have been put there to be contained...to be 'kept an eye on'. Council meetings will be interesting indeed, I think I may have my work cut out for me.

TODAY'S TREASURE

Coming home from my first day at work to find a gift in the post addressed to me - a stunning pair of earrings created by my beautiful friend Janmaree.

SHADOWBOXING DAY

For the first time in almost a year I had a drink of alcohol - a nice bottle of Yellowglen Bella, and it will be my last. I was advised not to mix alcohol with the medication I'm on but I didn't think having a little on Christmas eve would hurt - I was wrong. Firstly I slept most of Christmas day and today, at the movies, I experienced heart palpitations and lower leg oedema. After watching The curious case of Benjamin Button (which was pretty good I might add) I went to get up & walk and found it extreemly difficult - I looked down only to find my feet swollen like two balloons. Before bothering my psychiatrist at Christmas or embarrasing my husband at the local emergency department (where he works) I made my way slowly home, elevated my legs & slept for 2 hours. I then did an online search about the effects of alcohol & psychotropic medications & there it all was & more. So no more alcohol for me...it's just not worth it. Good thing I hardly drank in the first place.

Ma & Pa Claus

And with the rousing of emotions comes the sadness.... I miss you mum & dad, this is my sixth Christmas away from home. Hopefully one year soon I'll make it home for Christmas.

ON THE EDGE OF SEVENTY

And with the mild intoxication comes the major humiliation......karaoke anyone? Oh dear, I have food all down my front! Too bad, come on....sing it with me now-

Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like shes singing...

Ooo... ooo... ooo...
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like shes singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo
And the days go by...
Like a strand in the wind...
In the web that is my own...
I begin again
Said to my friend, baby...
Nothin else mattered
He was no more... than a baby then
Well he... seemed broken hearted...
Something within him
But the moment... that I first laid...
Eyes... on... him... all alone...
On the edge of... seventeen
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...

Sounds like shes singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo...
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...

Sounds like shes singing...
Said ooo baby... ooo... said ooo
Well I went today... maybe I will go again...
Tomorrow
Yeah, yeah, well the music there well it was hauntingly...
Familiar
Well I see you doing...
What I try to do for me
With the words from a poet...
And a voice from a choir
And a melody... nothing else mattered
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like shes singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like shes singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo
The clouds... never expect it...
When it rains
But the sea changes color...
But the sea...
Does not change
And so... with the slow... graceful flow...
Of age I went forth... with an age old...
Desire... to please
On the edge of... seventeen
Oooooooooaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like shes singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like shes singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo
Well then suddenly...
There was no one... left standing
In the hall... yeah yeah...
In a flood of tears
That no one really ever heard fall at all
Well I went searchin for an answer...
Up the stairs... and down the hall
Not to find an answer...
Just to hear the call
Of a nightbird... singing...
Come away...
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song
Sounds like shes singing...
Ooo... baby ooo... said ooo
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song..
Sounds like shes singing...
Ooo... baby ooo... said ooo
Well I hear you in the morning...
And I hear you...
At nightfall...
Sometimes to be near you...
Is to be unable... to hear you...
My love...
I'm a few years older than you...
My love
Just like the white winged dove...
Sings a song...
Sounds like shes singing...
Ooo baby... ooo... said ooo

Just like a white winged dove...

sings a song...

sounds like she's singing...

Ooo baby...ooo..ooo

- Stevie Nicks (The Edge of Seventeen)

YouTube link:http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=C1h99XYvLsc

TODAY'S TREASURE

Having my first glass (or two) of alcohol in almost a year & getting just tipsy enough to chatter away cheerfully yet remain just sober enough to know that I'm speaking complete & utter shit!

JINGLE BELLS

I have discovered the reason why Kentucky Fried Chicken is so expensive - deep fried "southern style" chicken is one bloody long process! I have spent most of today cooking & it's mostly food I don't even eat (like chicken), but I've had fun. All this fuss for one day where we gorge ourselves & over indulge - silly really.

I've got my Christmas presents already, a beautiful succulent for my little garden on the balcony - isn't she a beauty! & a linen suit which is something I've always wanted.

TODAY'S TREASURE

Opening up a Christmas parcel from my mum & dad & finding it filled with sweets & treats - YUM!

DREAM

I had the strangest dream last night, It was so vivid that when I woke from it I was momentarily disorientated as to where I was & even to who I was. What I dreamt about was the Christmas story, as in the birth of Jesus Christ, and the subsequent "massacre of the innocents" that was carried out by King Herod. The most peculiar thing was that I was seeing all of this from the viewpoint of a young boy & it wasn't until the end of the dream that I realised that this child was John the Baptist. I was once deeply religious but have since become agnostic (at times even athiestic), but when I woke from this dream I had an overwhelming desire to go to church - I haven't been in 7 years! Very strange indeed.

CHRISTMAS RUSH

Sheer madness in Melbourne as shoppers (including me) do last minute Christmas shopping. A giant golden Christmas tree made up of giant Ferrero Rocher chocolates (I don't think they're real somehow) hovers above us all.

TWILIGHT

TODAY'S TREASURE

Talking to my dad on the phone, he had just been told his best friend has Alzheimer's, dad was so vulnerable, so fragile, I could tell the news had hit him hard. My dad's a strong man, a tough man - it takes a lot to make him cry but he felt safe enough with me to allow himself to..... just a little.

FOR JAN

From Intimations of Immortality from recollections of Early Childhood:

Then sing, ye Birds, sing, sing a joyous song!

And let the young Lambs bound

As to the tabor's sound!

We in thought will join your throng,

Ye that pipe and ye that play,

Ye that through your hearts to-day

Feel the gladness of the May!

Which though the radiance which was once so bright

Be now for ever taken from my sight,

Though nothing can bring back the hour

Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower;

We will grieve not, rather find

Strength in what remains behind;

In the primal sympathy

Which having been must ever be;

In the soothing thoughts that spring

Out of human suffering;

In the faith that looks through death,

In the years that bring the philosophic mind.

-William Wordsworth-

CHRISTMAS

I have very few photos of my childhood - mum was never one for taking pictures, but I found these two today, both with a Christmas theme. Top: a competition of spitting out watermelon seeds...charming! Me with a fluorescent orange "Choose Life" shirt on. Bottom: my brother David & I sitting on Santa's knee - "just take the photo already, & watch the hands mister".

Christmas is just never the same as when you're a kid, is it.

TODAY'S TREASURE

A shaft of light breaks through the darkness

CLIMATE CHANGE

I apologise in advance as I ususaly try to keep my blog apolitical, but after the great expectations that came with a change of government, Prime Minister Kevin Rudd delivered one mighty blow on Monday in regards to climate change. The Federal Government has announced its plan to cut carbon emissions by just 5% (increasing this to 15% only if other major polluters commit to a global agreement). This decision places the Murray-Darling Basin, the Great Barrier Reef and the Australian Alps in a position of grave danger & we are at threat of losing these Australian icons. The Government has disregarded the advice of top scientists that state we must reduce carbon emissions by 25-40% - not a paltry 5!

I gave Kevin Rudd my preference vote at the last election due to the promises he made in regards to action on climate change - he has let me down....he has let Australians down & more improtantly he has let this great land down and the innocent native flora & fauna which inhabit it. It's enough to make me cry.

Youtube link: The Last Resort: http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=bsW5spaWmn0 - this song is about North America but it can be applied to so many places which have been ravaged by man. I must admit that I thought of linking to a Midnight Oil song (to keep it Australian) but that would be just a tad too ironic.

TODAY'S TREASURE

I got my program prospectus in the mail today from UNSW school of public health & community medicine & I have to do Epidemiology & Statistics next term. There is no way out of it as apparently it's a "core" subject - I dread statistics. You may well be wondering why this is today's treasure - it's because even though I hate statistics I at least finally feel well enough to recommence study for my masters. And for once in my life I'm going to be happy just as long as I pass.

TODAY'S TREASURE

Making our Christmas tree from some old branches & twinke lights

FAR

I walk this foreign path alone

with only my senses to guide
As far as my eyes can see
As far as my arms can stretch
As far as my mind can open
As far as my spirit can soar

I step out to the edge

and

I

fly

TODAY'S TREASURE

Evening closes in, the sky transforms into a palette of pastels.

WITHDRAWL

I finally finished off my Christmas shopping yesterday, the Christmas windows around Melbourne city are just delightful. I made the mistake yesterday of forgetting to take my morning medication & instead of turning around & coming back home I nonchalantly continued on as if it was only a minor detail. By the time 5:30pm rolled around I was dizzy, had a major headache, my stomach was in knots & I couldn't even get my key in the door. This is the second time I've done this now & you'd have thought I'd have learnt my lesson the first time - it's not like it's asprin or paracetamol! I have now put a supply in my handbag so it wont happen again.

FREAK

It sometimes feels strange being around my niece Samantha as she is essentially the exact opposite of myself. She is the type of girl who back in high school I resented - sporty and popular, invited to all the right parties - whereas in my senior years I was a bookish loner who couldn't catch a ball if she tried (I blame my poor eyesight). Sometimes when I am with her I feel as though I'm being thrust back there.....to high school, with all the insecurites & the alienation. We were watching footage from her formal/prom the other night & Sam described one girl as a "freak" & I smiled & said "that's probably what you would have thought of me if we'd have gone to school together". Do we ever really get over high school? I still dream about it sometimes, mostly I'm lost trying to make my way to class but never finding the right one....the one where I belong.

TODAY'S TREASURE

Walking 2km in the Melbourne rain, the most rain we've had in 3 long years - I could have walked 5 more!

THE BUSHWALKERS PRAYER

On our travels Sam & I went on a hike out to a waterfall, whilst making our way back up, Sam, who was about 100 metres ahead, cried out "God, my calves hurt" and then BANG she hit her head on an overlying branch. Once I saw she was okay I laughed, commenting that God must have heard her cry, to which Sam replied "what do you mean?" - "well, I bet you've forgotten all about your blasted calves now", we both laughed & ploughed onwards.

TODAY'S TREASURE

Being informed that I was successful with my interveiw & start work in late December.

THE SEA

Relentless it surges on
making its mark;
carving out its legacy
upon the earth.
Its’ persistent pursuit
of destruction,
lingering long after
both you &
I have
gone;
being whittled slowly away,
like monolithic monuments,
by this life –
by this
death

REALITY

Well I'm back home & off to my job interview this morning. We had a wonderful time - the place we stayed at looked like Alan Bates was going to be standing behind the shower curtain with a knife at the ready but besides that it was okay - at least it was clean. Got a bad case of cotton mouth this morning - blasted nerves! And I can barely walk cause of all the tramping around the countryside we did, I really need to improve my fitness. Well, I'm off - wish me luck (I'll need it).

BREAK

I'm off to the Great Ocean road for a couple of days, wish me luck as I haven't driven a car in a little over a year. Apparently the weather is not going to be too great but it will be interesting to photograph the 12 apostles in stormy weather.

CHANGE

I sense something has changed in me, and I can't seem to put my finger on exactly what it is. I have grown up in this world fiercely protected by old fashioned parents and 3 older brothers, any danger that has come my way I have placed there, seeking it out like an adventurer. Part of me has always been held back though, as if it's waiting in anticipation for my real life to start - well guess what? this is it.....welcome to your life! It may be due to my recently developed dedication to "living in the now" or it may be that I'm finally growing up - that I'm finally accepting my place, my vocation. It's strange but I never realised how important being a nurse was to me till I had it taken away & threatened by illness. And I am only just now acknowledging the gravity and weight of our decision not to have children - my decision not to have children (as my husband has a 12 year old daughter from a previous relationship). It's a huge decision. To a certain extent I have always pitied people who get into old age & have no children of their own, I have to accept that I will one day be one of them, if I live long enough. It's not like I am reconsidering my decision, because I'm not - We are both far too set in our ways & selfish to have a child, and considering both of my illnesses are hereditary I believe it is best for me not to procreate. But I will treasure & cherish the people I have in my life, and for the first time I think this will include myself.

TODAY'S TREASURE

Playing Wii Sport & getting my arse whipped big time!

TODAY'S TREASURE

Getting to buy my niece her first Krispy Kreme donut

FEELING GOOD

The doctor said I'd be feeling a difference in a week - well it's only been 2 days & I can feel the difference. For one thing my heart rate is up by about 15 - 20 beats per minute (it was getting terribly low) and I somehow feel lighter, like it's easier to move myself around. I don't feel so sluggish; my husband says I'm even talking faster! All good things - I think I may be fixed!

I also got word today that I have an interview next Friday for a district nurse position here in Melbourne & I feel confident that I should get it. Things are looking good, and the next 10 days should be a load of fun with my niece Sam - she arrives tomorrow morning.

Youtube link: http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=jBEYyHGbwto

DUCK!

I remember this one time when I was about 12 years old & mum left me at the duck pond near the car while she ducked in (sic) to get some groceries. There was this one particular duck that followed me everywhere - I jumped up on the bench - it followed, I got up on the table & it got up on the table. God we must have looked a sight. Bloody bird must have loved terrorising young children.

TODAY'S TREASURE

Having a Slurpee from 7-Eleven at the end of a long hot day. They always remind me of when I was a kid - on Saturday nights we would buy Aussie Rooster & a Slurpee and go sit and eat it at the local duck pond. I loved those evenings with my mum, dad & brothers.

TODAY'S TREASURE

Getting caught out on the balcony by my neighbour whilst I was talking & singing to my plants.

WELL

I had my appointment with the endocrinologist this morning & had my swallowing & everything checked out - he says that we've "caught" the Hashimoto's relatively early & therefore no surgery will be needed (thank goodness!). He's started me on hormone treatment & hopefully my energy levels will improve & the aches will go away. Isn't it strange, I'm a nurse & I didn't even notice that I had the classic symptoms of Thyroid disease - the weight fluctuations, temperature disregulation, the increased brittleness of my hair & nails, the pins & needles and the list really does go on......I always thought it was all in my head & blamed the depression. The specialist said I should see an improvement within a week - how wonderful! He also hinted, in a polite manner, to get off my arse and get back to work. He's right, I've put in one application but as soon as my niece has left I will definitely be on the hunt for work. My biggest fear is that no one will employ me due to my track record over the last 18 months - I've only worked 9 of them & when I did work I was getting sick all the blasted time, I hope someone gives me a chance - I really am a good nurse, when I'm well. And I am well......I'm WELL!

IN REMEMBRANCE December 3rd 1984

For all the people who lost their lives on this day 24 years ago due to the industrial disaster at Bhopal & for all those who are still suffering from its legacy - I hope one day there will be justice & I pray to God, or to whatever good that there is out there, that this never happens again.

"We are not expendable. We are not flowers offered at the altar of profit and power. We are dancing flames committed to conquering darkness and to challenging those who threaten the planet and the magic and mystery of life."

-Rashida Bee, Bhopal survivor-

TODAY'S TREASURE

The smell of fresh coriander chopped up with lime.

KEEPER

I believed you were capable of change
But I guess I was wrong,
Once again.
I’m left to pick up the pieces,
To make them fit -
To create some semblance of a sanctuary,
While you’ll sit like a stone
In a garden only I tended.
I’ll work the soil,
I’ll plant the seeds,
You won’t have to get your hands dirty.
You can welcome friends,
& woo lovers,
In this patch of heavenly earth
In which I've worked each & every day -
Alone.

AIR AND LIGHT AND TIME AND SPACE

Old Hank (aka Bukowski) worked for years in a series of menial jobs he hated just to put food on the table & whiskey down the pipes. Instead of using work as an excuse not to write, Hank used it as a source of inspiration. Love you Buk, here's to you.

"-you know, I've either had a family, a job, something
has always been in the
way
but now
I've sold my house, I've found this
place, a large studio, you should see the space and
the light.
for the first time in my life I'm going to have a place and the time to
create."

no baby, if you're going to create
you're going to create whether you work
16 hours a day in a coal mine
or
you're going to create in a small room with 3 children
while you're on
welfare,
you're going to create with part of your mind and your
body blown
away,
you're going to create blind
crippled
demented,
you're going to create with a cat crawling up your
back while
the whole city trembles in earthquake, bombardment,
flood and fire.

baby, air and light and time and space
have nothing to do with it
and don't create anything
except maybe a longer life to find
new excuses
for.

-CHARLES BUKOWSKI-

MANNERS

Is it just me or do people just have no manners anymore? First of all I was at Coles doing some grocery shopping & there was an elderly gentleman who was asking for some assistance, 3 sets of people walked by & ignored him, all he wanted was someone to read a label because he'd forgotten his glasses! Then I was walking home, trudging along with my little cart, 34 going on 70, and four grown men were coming towards me, walking abreast of each other. They were taking up the whole of the sidewalk, I clung to the left (as you do) & you'd think they would fall in line but no they just stayed there until I came face to face with one of them & I said politely "excuse me" & I stood my ground, he finally stepped aside, (after he blew the smoke from his cigarette in my face) but it was such an effort. Absolute gentlemen they were ...... charmers.

TODAY'S TREASURE

Seeing my neighbours little 4 year old son in the corridor & getting a big smile & a "Hello"